I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
