I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
