My hand turned me down
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
