Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
