You can't special order awesome
someone owes me an orgasm
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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