drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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