Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
