You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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