I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
