Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
