I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
