alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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