I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
