I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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