im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
