Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
