Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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