I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
