My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
