thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dicks are not precious.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
