My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
