she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
