You work out of a Hotel?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
