It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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