wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
