Cold hands, warm shart.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
