You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
