neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
