just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
