Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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