I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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