Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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