Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize