just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
