you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
