and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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