It's Friday. Sex?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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