Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
