I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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