Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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