Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
