I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
