Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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