Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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