Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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