I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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