please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
