I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
