Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
