I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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