I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
