That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
