Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
