it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
