When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
