I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
