GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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