He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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