How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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