my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
