so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
