Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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