Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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