i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had sex on a roof
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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