When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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