I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
