You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to make a zoo with you.
there's paper in my vomit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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