the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
